From A Victim Mentality To A Victor!

I know how certain childhood and adult life events can stick with you for the rest of your life, no matter how much therapy and self-work you might undertake. There are some experiences you never forget and that trigger a flood of emotions in the most unexpected scenarios. For some people, wrestling with these emotional demons is a daily battle. I am not trying to undermine this real and true pain. I have had to come face to face with these demons and allow God to get me past it. I have had to allow Him to rid me of the victim mentality. I have learned to forgive and let go. I have learned to accept responsibility when I mess up. I do believe, however, that as adults we must reach a point of reconciliation with our stories. Eventually we come to a fork in the road when we are faced with a choice. Is our story just a story — or is it who we are? Does it define us? 

If we continue to allow our childhood pain, or any pain for that matter, to define us and serve as the reason for living a compromised life, then we will forever be stuck in a victim mentality. Victim mentality is a learned personality trait in which a person feels powerless and unable to cope or take action in difficult situations. This person tends to see him/herself as a victim of the negative actions of others and continues to feel this way even after the negative situation or actions are no longer real or relevant. It becomes a coping mechanism to survive fear, pain, and to reclaim our basic psychological needs of safety, love, affection, belonging, and self-esteem.

Unfortunately, a victim mentality is not a very attractive or empowering mindset, and the enemy will use this to push everyone away who tries to help you overcome it, because the enemy doesn't want you to be delivered from it or set free. Praise God, I have been delivered from it and God is no respecter of persons. The Lord has put it on my heart to sincerely pray for those bound up by this. If you know someone who has these behaviors have compassion to pray for them to want to be delivered from this stronghold.

 

Here are some of the behaviors of a person with a victim mentality: tends to blame others and refuses to take responsibility for themselves or their actions, assumes others have negative intentions or “have it out for them”, views other people as happier, luckier, or better and has a “poor me” attitude, tries to elicit sympathy or pity from others by feeling sorry for themselves or telling (sometimes exaggerated) stories, acts helpless and isolated in order to avoid discomfort or responsibility, tends to have a negative outlook and sees “the glass half full” even when their lives are good, can be defensive and self-absorbed, often focuses on the past and blames past events for current circumstances, focuses heavily on problems and will complain about them with others, tends to reject constructive criticism, exhibits low self-esteem and self-confidence.

Even though one with a victim mentality might feel some short term pleasure from getting sympathy, avoiding difficulties, discomfort, or reliving past events, that’s pretty much all they get (short term benefits from it). Over time, people with a victim mentality become off-putting to others around them. Their blaming, retelling of stories, and negativity gets old, and the people closest to them begin to feel manipulated and uncomfortable. As adults, regardless of the pain we have experienced in the past, it is certainly our responsibility to our loved ones, and more importantly to ourselves, to initiate healing, self-awareness, and positive change. The only way that I got past it was to realize that I had the problem of being a victim instead of a victor. I had to pray and put it under the blood of Jesus and leave it there! That's where my victory comes from! My source of hope and freedom! I just needed Jesus!