Lord Help Me and Heal Me!

I know I'm able to pray for myself and I do, but I'm asking prayer warriors to bind together in prayer with me. I know this is a long post, but I desire to be transparent with you, because I know others are struggling and I don't want the enemy lying to you and telling you that you can't ask for prayer or share your heart, like he has lied to me. I've faced a life of sickness and surgeries. I'm approaching 40 procedures and surgeries, not counting all of the in office ones I've had and 11 hospitalizations outside of that. Even when I tried not to turn to the Lord for help and healing, He always found a way to get me back to where I needed to be. I've turned to Jesus in the good times, and I've turned to Him in the bad times. He has continued to bring me through it all. Most of it is a blur to me now, but the one thing I do know for sure is that if it wasn't for God I wouldn't still be here. I pour my heart out to Him once more for peace and strength. There have been so many conditions, even incurable diseases, that I've had where God has supernaturally healed me instantly, or He has healed me over time. So, there's no doubt in my mind what He can do! It's been something unexpected everyday this week. I know I'm under spiritual attack, and I know that there is a spirit of oppression that is weighing heavily in this hour. This spirit will try to come and choke the life out of you, and it is overwhelming at times to where it takes my breath... but it's my responsibility to keep praying and pressing through it, so that God can remove that spirit. God reminded me this morning, at church, that "He was in my midst to remove the spirit of oppression. He was in my midst to come unto Him as I am weary and heavy laden so that He can give me rest. He reminded me once again that He's the same Jehovah Rapha, the God Who Heals and the same Jehovah Shalom, the God of Peace, that He was all the other times in my life." 

For 15 years now, I've battled an incurable inner ear disease called Meniere's Disease. People do not see all the bad days I've spent bed ridden, unable to drive, or fully dependent on others to take care of me, except family and close friends... nor do they see all the painful surgeries and recoveries, all the steroids taken by mouth or injections and how it has effected my body and health negatively... the depression and helplessness it brings when it's out of remission... the 3 ear shunts I've had surgically placed over 9 years, when one shunt should have lasted the 10+ years. The ear tube I also need, along with the shunt, to keep me from having dizziness and hearing loss in that ear, the in office treatments I need to have medicine run down in my ear that leaves me sick for days, the painful growth behind my ear (from being cut so many times), that keeps growing back but can no longer be removed because we've exhausted all options and none of them have worked. This is just one of several conditions I fight through. It's physically and mentally exhausting at times. Oh, but God sees all and knows all. I don't share all of this for pity or attention. I just share this today with a heavy heart; someone in need of God's healing once more and His perfect peace. I'm like the woman with the issue in the Bible, but instead of 12 long years, it been 15 long years of suffering with this incurable ear disease, as I continue to pray and believe for my miracle. I've endured random issues happening to my body that needed immediate surgery that left doctors puzzled with no explanation. Some of the things that I've had could have ended in death, but God stepped in. 

I know He continually has a call on my life, and I've already got to experience so much in ministry and see Him move and use me in ways I never thought possible for His glory. He always has His hand on my life, and I know He always will. I know I'm a walking testimony and miracle. Now, my ear tube has fell out again. I go Tuesday to get another one put in. Something that may sound simple to others is what I need right now, as I continue to call upon God for healing. An ear tube in and working means a better quality of life for me. And then the following week I go for heart tests and the results the same week. I need to be cleared, not just for hereditary reasons that they're checking, but for surgery that I'm scheduled to have on August 25th for another painful condition I have been dealing with for a year. God has graciously given me the strength to endure it as I've prayed for healing. I went to have surgery July 22nd for it, and the doctor discovered it was a different problem that he couldn't handle so he referred me to another surgeon. I went to the consultation appt. last week. This surgeon said it was going to be a painful and tough recovery especially the first 2 weeks and that it would take about 4-6 weeks to fully recovery. On top of that I have two other family members that are facing serious surgeries in the next month or so. To say I'm overwhelmed is an understatement. But again, I also know that God desires to lift the spirit of oppression off me. He desires to lift the burden off me. He desires for me to walk in complete victory. 

I know that His promise is coming. I just wait upon Him. I believe that He can heal me even now. He is the same God now that I've been walking with since I was a child. I need Him to help me keep handling things one day at time. God spoke to my heart on July 4th, at church, about complete victory and overcoming the enemy coming in August, not just for myself, but for my blood family and church family. His word will not return unto thee void. If I have to lay or sit down to praise the Lord for a period of time, instead of standing that is what I will do. The enemy will not silence my praise, because that is what I'm called to do: praise my way through it all. In the meantime, I sit back and wait for God to do the impossible. I continue to walk in faith and not fear... but I'm exhausted with the familiar in my life, the 37 years of sicknesses, struggles, and surgeries. I held on to every word of the timely message preached at church this morning. God is going to do a new thing in us (me). A fresh fire. A fresh praise. A fresh healing. A fresh word. A fresh anointing. A fresh outlook. God is ready to move. We (I) just have to reach out, accept, and receive the new thing He desires to do in us, for His glory and purpose. Lord help me and heal me!! <3