The Holiday Blues!

The "Holiday Blues" are a real thing, and I don't make light of anyone experiencing them. I sincerely pray for you. It's hard enough to lose a loved one; it's even harder losing them during the holidays. Each year, as I get older, it seems to only bring the loss of one more family member that brought so much joy to the holidays. When November hits, I feel this chill and heaviness in the air that hovers until New Year's day. I've even found myself crying out to God about can we just skip November and December, yet I know that's not possible! Grief is an ugly thing. The holidays can bring such loneliness and depression to so many lives. How do you keep pushing through the seasons? I know that you learn to adjust and make new traditions. You learn to enjoy and be thankful for the ones who are still by your side, but it still doesn't stop the hurt. 

When you're growing up, as a child, you never imagine the day when things will be different... you never even think of the day when relatives who made the holidays extra special would no longer be sitting around the table as you enjoy their home cooked meal and laugh together at anything and everything... but one day reality hits you in the face like a bolt out of the blue. Sure they aren't coming back and wouldn't want you to wallow but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Grief doesn't just come from losing relatives through death, when the holidays roll around... it can come from broken homes, broken relationships and friendships, job losses, financial issues, etc.

This holiday season I am experiencing a different kind of loss (not death related) that I can't elaborate on... but just know that I feel the heartaches and sorrows that others are feeling during this time of year, and it doesn't make me pray any less for comfort and peace for all of us experiencing these unpredictable and uncompassionate "Holiday Blues". Grief comes in waves. Sometimes you think you're okay, even if it's been several years, and then out of nowhere it feels like you're drowning. These blues actually begin in October for me. I didn't even post on this blog that month. I begin isolating myself and God started getting a hold of me this month. It's the 5th anniversary of the birth of this blog, and five years ago I decided to start this blog with the help of my best friend as a way of healing and form of therapy to work through grief and hurt. Here I find myself again five years later, working through grief and hurt again. Nevertheless, I started posting on my blog again this month, realizing not only does it bring me comfort and emotional release.... but I pray that these posts do the same for others by bringing them comfort and release, alone with peace and answers. 

I have so much to look forward to in December with family I still have by my side, if the Lord tarries, and as I was reading a book this week these very words leaped off the page at me, "you've cried long enough, so quit moping". That was a hard pill for me to swallow, but I felt the hand of God wiping my tears away and felt the Holy Spirit speaking that to me. And no matter how badly I didn't want to read that, those words were right. It was another situation I was grieving, and it was time to let it go. I honestly haven't shed another tear over that situation, since those words leaped off that page at me several days ago. But that doesn't mean I still won't grieve other situations and losses. The grieving process may still be fresh for you. I say that if you need to cry (or scream) it out, cry it out and don't let anyone else tell you differently or make you feel ashamed or badly about it. Bottling it up inside is the worse thing you can do. It's okay to feel and work through a range of emotions. God is staying right here and holding me... even when I haven't felt like talking to Him. No matter what we are experiencing in life... let me leave you with this; A. I understand what you're feeling with the holidays especially if you're working through grieve and loneliness, and you have my prayers... B. never give up and make peace with yourself (and God if you need too). If you have peace with yourself and God; that's what matters the most. 

As I push on through this holiday season, I realize that I still have so much to learn in the coming year (we should never desire to stop learning while on earth), so much to give, and so much to give up (so much hurt, grief, guilt, and blame for not listening to my gut so many times, etc.) When it's all said and done, we can only be responsible for ourselves. We can only answer for ourselves. I know this is a long post, but I truly pray it resonates with someone and reminds you that you're not alone with your feelings or the "Holiday Blues" you may be feeling and experiencing. God cares and understands. I do too. Remember it's okay to not be okay. Again, you are in my prayers. God is close to the brokenhearted. ♡