Depression is real but so is God!

First, if you are battling serious depression with thoughts of suicide, don't be afraid to dial 911 for help, and please use the contact form on the left hand side of my home blog page and let me know so that I can talk to you and pray with and encourage you that it is okay to seek help. STRUGGLING WITHIN OURSELVES IS OK BUT QUITTING IS NOT AN OPTION. GOD DOESN'T WANT YOU TO GIVE UP AND NEITHER DO I. THE DEVIL IS THE ONE WHO WANTS YOU TO QUIT. {THE DEVIL COMES ONLY TO KILL, STEAL, AND DESTROY. BUT JESUS COMES TO GIVE YOU LIFE MORE ABUNDANTLY.} That is scripture straight out of God's Holy Word. After, spending seven days back the first week of November 2017, in the hopsital for my treatment of depression, God has helped me so much. He's continued to bring much peace and healing into my life. You are not alone nor did you come across this blog by accident. This was a divine intervention and direction from God. He loves and cares for you and so do I.

I am being personal with this post, because I am not above asking for or needing prayer. And, I want to shed light on this and to let others who fight it to know that you are not alone. I have battled a condition for over 20 years now (mainly from ongoing health issues and surgeries/hospitalizations, self esteem issues). One that is scary, unforgiving, unpredictable, unproductive, messy, unsympathetic, not believed by all, something that Christians aren't suppose to have (a stereotype), made fun of, etc. I could keep going. I am talking about battling chronic depression with chronic fatigue syndrome. It is a real thing. It is not laziness, whining, the mulligrubs, a pity party, being a hypochondriac, being crazy, unstable, wanting attention, having the the blues or a bad day, just being sad or moody, etc... it is more complex than that & a real chemical imbalance in the brain and it doesn't go away over night. I can't just turn it off like a faucet. I have had many months or years of remission, but I have no warning of what may set it off or when a relapse may happen. I've prayed many times over, been anointed many times over to be completely healed and delivered from it, but I still fight it. It's always been easy to hide behind my smile and contagious laugh, but these days it is harder to do. I've had to face and fight a lot of demons in my life, and some horrible ones over the past 2 years that I still fight in my dreams almost nightly and in my mind almost daily! But God... I'm still standing!! I've come through those horrible years of not having a will to live, having sucidial thoughts and even overcoming my desire to want to overdose on pills and almost doing it... living through a secret prescription drug addiction, from having no self-esteem, almost destroying myself with the hurtful words I spoke over me on a daily basis... my family felt helpless and didn't know what to do to help me, all while I am in college and fighting other incurable diseases too, surgery after surgery, hospital stay after hospital stay... but God had people in place during those years for a reason & season to talk and pray me through it. God didn't let me quit and He didn't give up on me. I've come face to face with the devil, literally having to pray those demons out of my bedroom more than once, and felt the heat of those hellfire flames. I've had loved ones turn their back on me, making their "depression isn't real, why is she on crazy pills?" remarks, but I kept fighting. I have been through the withdrawals of coming off medicines, the crazy side effects while my body tries to get adjusted to meds, to not being on meds at all. I don't like the days when I have body aches or I don't want to get out of bed, when I really just want to isolate myself and be alone in a dark room, and I can't quit crying, feeling like I have no purpose left in life, but sometimes those days come no matter what I may do to try & prevent it. I have been in church my whole life. I know how to plead the blood and rebuke the enemy. I know how to speak life over myself and to keep a Bible by my head in my bed with me at all times, I can quote scripture left and right and pray with someone til the walls fall down. I know how to pray for myself  and praise my way through my problems. I talk to the Lord on a daily basis. He knows all of my insecurities and weaknesses and loves me through them all, just as my mama and daddy does. I know who I am in Christ and I know there is a Heaven to gain and a hell to shun, I am ready for Heaven, but it still does not mean I am not fighting this terrible condition. Please do me this one thing (for me and others if you see them this way), if you see me without a smile on my face, if you see me crying, just simply say, "I am praying for you", or come give me hug and let me know it will be ok. Even those strong in Christ need to be reminded. You never know what someone is fighting, the demons they are fighting, the bad news they were given that week, etc. And those who are fighting depression don't need to hear 'why do you look like you have the mulligrubs?' Or just 'suck it up buttercup'! Or a pat on the back as people keep walking by with insensitive smirks on their face. DEPRESSION IS NOT THE MULLIGRUBS, AND I'VE BEEN QUIET LONG ENOUGH ABOUT IT! I know somone now who is fighting serious depression, who didn't believe it was real and was uncompassionate and hateful towards others and regrets their actions and behavior; they wish they could take it all back! It is real just like any other medical condition. Being a Christian or not has nothing to do with it. Just be careful how you treat others, because you never know when you might wake up one day with the wind knocked out of you, the rug pulled out from under your feet, or a call from the doctor with heartbreaking test results. People who fight chronic depression (or any other chronic disease or condition for that matter) on a daily basis don't need to hear those sarcastic and insensitive remarks, we just need prayer, compassion, a hug, and even a listening ear, as we (I) continue to believe to be healed from this condition!
⤴Repost from October 28, 2017 social media post, two days before being hospitalized for my depression battle.