You may see me struggle, but you'll never see me quit!

It's a long post, but I desire to bring awareness to those living with any incurable disease that you can't see from the outside. Also, the Lord is dealing with me about writing a rough draft for a mini book, about my life of continuous sickness & struggles but refusing to quit. What I've received healing from, but what I still live with. I believe it is the therapy I need during this time of my life at 33 years old. I've shared one page testimonies in the past, but nothing this detailed. Loosing my last grandparent in December 2016 and dealing with other family issues, has sent me into a whirlwind of emotional/physical stress this year, bringing fatigue and 2 of the diseases I live with out of remission. I am still trying to adjust to another medication for one, but haven't been doing well. Both conditions I have not seen the doctors for in about 8 months, so I've done well (considering the years I spent in the doctors office weekly & sometimes 3x weekly; to have appts stretched out this long is a miracle in itself!) June 2017 it all started again. One condition I have, Meniere’s disease, has came back with a vengeance. 6 years ago, when I really started receiving miraculous healing from serious issues, I had a dream where God revealed a banner to me that said, "You're healing is here: expect it and accept it", and that begin my season of ministry sharing my testimony. 2 weeks ago, God dropped this back in my spirit and has really been speaking healing thru our church the last 2 weeks. The enemy doesn't like words of encouragment being shared, especially about healing, but no matter the resistance I've felt, we must not forget that God's word will go forth with power & victory. This week I've received several testimonies of healing, some that were no doubt not progressive healing but instant healing miracles. It confirms God's word given to me even years ago, and I refuse to listen to the enemy's taunts of how I am getting sick again. As my vertigo/dizziness has got worse in the last few weeks, there are very few treatments, so we started over Monday with a small ear tube being put in my ear and 15 days of steroids. My dizziness is worse 4 days later and has left in the bed mostly, relying on family to drive me anywhere that is more than 2 miles from home. If I don't see improvement, then it is very likely my 2nd ear shunt is on its last leg after only 2 1/2 years, which means I may be facing surgery #34. I also develop painful keloid scars & the one behind my ear, from last surgery seems to have doubled in size even with treatments. Imagine having no warning of the feeling of needles sticking in your skin w/ burning too! And if you have never had steroid injections into keloid scars on more than one place on your body over and over you do not know what pain is!! (since 2003, I've only had 2 years I wasn't put to sleep for a surgery which was 2011 & 2014). I am at level 3 of treatments, and level 4 is the last resort that would leave the ear in total destruction, even if I receive relief. The previous treatments always bring temporary relief. Believe me, when I am at church under the anointing and operation of the Holy Spirit, or even that way at home, I don't have a symptom or care in the world. But when I come back into the flesh it is horrible. This makes me long for my ultimate healing more than ever, where I will forever be in the spirit and presence of God, permanently free from symptoms and sickness. It is hard when people see you stumble in church or public and not understand, maybe making "drunk jokes" or the "well you don't look sick", or the one about "did you say you have manure in your ear" that I could never stand?! Trust me I've endured many whispers and jokes over the years, along with the "hypochondriac" comments, but I've pushed those aside, not to say I have not endured much depression, tears or anxiety along the way. I've had family and special friends along the way step up to the plate and help me thru every episode and 10 sugeries, not counting in office treatments and procedures I have endured for just the Meniere's disease alone. It has took a lot from me in my life, but I keep expecting my healing from it, ready to accept it. I mean I was literally facing 3 surgeries this year but God cut it down to just one in March! His healing power moved then, and I have no reason to doubt His healing power for this situation. I also have to accept his strength, knowing that His grace is sufficient for me. I keep trusting in God, and it's my job to keep praising and enouraging others, even when I find myself homebound during these health attacks. Ministry is my life! I strive to push my sickness aside to help others and pray them thru. I am only strong in the Lord because of what I've been thru & continually fight to overcome! *This is something I wrote; a letter to describe someone who lives with Meniere's Disease (only about 615,000 Americans have been diagnosed with it out of 326.5 million people so it is very rare). No known cause or cure right now, but it has been linked to other conditions I have.
{To my enemy, Meniere’s Disease:
Trust me when I say that I didn't want to accept your diagnosis! In fact, I have seen 4 doctors and had the tests repeated multiple times only to confirm you really are there. I have endured painful procedures, uncomfortable testing and surgeries with each doctor throughout this last decade. You've decided that after 10 1/2 years of me surviving your terrible vertigo, headaches, hearing fluctuations, and tinnitus symptoms (constant ringing/roaring in ear), you’d return the full symptoms to me, and the vertigo started over with a vengeance, taking my independence and freedom of movement again. Now, I’m forced to be homebound when the dizziness is severe, my ability to get in the car to drive wherever, get errands done, cook for my family, or get to church has once again come to a hault. You not only effect me, but my family and leave me feeling unproductive and lazy. On days when you forget to show up, I feel like running, singing, and shouting; I know I must take advantage of the short time you’re away and not making me dizzy. I run errands, and do all I get behind in when you’re fully present. I can never forget you. You constantly scream, “I am here! I am here!” in my ear every minute of every day/night thru the ringing. You interfere with my normal active life, even stopping me from time to time in the midst of my activities. You’re unpredictable, and I don't know how long an episode will last. And, because it's hard to explain this disease to anyone, hardly anyone knows you exist in me. It’s even harder to find treatment. The symptoms are hidden; there’s no cast or crutch or bandaged wound for a person to see. I’m always in hopes that a cure is coming. You, Meniere’s disease, offer no visible sign of any permanent relief. I know you’re there constantly, and I know the game you play, trying to wear me down little by little. I have one thing to say… You, Meniere’s disease, may win some of the battles, but you will not win the war. The cure is close I pray in faith, and awareness is happening more each day. You may take my quiet away, but you can never steal my peace, my joy and smile. My peace comes from within, from my faith in God and from my determination to not let you win. I may get down and upset and frustrated but God is still God; He sees what I don't and I patiently wait on Him and trust Him for my complete healing & relief. I win in the end, the enemy doesn't!!! - YOU MAY SEE ME STRUGGLE, BUT YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME QUIT!!}